Suffoglyd the Impatient

This article was directly inspired by Jeff Rients' post here.

Legend calls it Suffoglyd the Impatient, also referred to as the misanthropic blade.

The magic bastard sword in question can be used either one or two-handed. There are ancient runes running down one side of the blade that state, "If you can see this sword, you'd better be the one wielding it." Mechanically speaking, it's a +1; +5 vs dolts, nincompoops, braggarts, idiots, jackasses, and swine.

It was forged by Tarl the unkind, a blacksmith who didn't suffer fools gladly. Then, it was enchanted by Zeem Zalabeem, a sorcerer who hated everybody and apparently everyone hated him (according to the torch and pitchfork-wielding mob who raided his tower and burned him alive).

The sword judges the worth of opponents based on discernible qualities perceived. Without evidence, Suffoglyd the Impatient cannot make a fair judgement. Based on the sword's assessment, the GM decides if the sword currently believes the opponent falls definitely, possibly, or hardly under that category.

If the target is definitely a dolt, nincompoop, braggart, idiot, jackass, or swine, roll a dice pool of 3d6, take the highest die result and consult the chart below. If the target is probably one of the above, roll 2d6, take the highest, and consult the chart. If the target is hardly, roll 1d6 and consult the chart.

Suffoglyd's Chart of Foolishness

1. The sword is convinced this guy isn't a dolt, nincompoop, braggart, idiot, jackass, or swine.
2. The sword is pretty sure this guy is OK.
3. The sword is undecided, so will give you, the wielder, a one-time pass. The first time you attack the target, you get the full +5 bonus; subsequent attacks are at the standard +1.
4. Yeah, this guy's a douche, let him have it.
5. The sword is sure of your opponent's lack of character and automatically crits on the first attack.
6. The sword believes your opponent to be the penultimate fool and will successfully block any and all of his attacks at a +5 bonus (armor and saving throw).

Use this in your O5R game of choice - Crimson Dragon Slayer, for instance (just add 1d6 to your attack dice pool for every plus).

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing!


Authored by Venger Satanis


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