Alpha Blue Loot

Let’s say the PCs blasted a small squadron of Federation troopers and now they’re searching the bodies. What do they have on them? Roll on this random table once per body…

BTW, I couldn't have done this without all those Alpha Blue fans on the g+ community for Kort'thalis Publishing. Thanks, hosses!

What Did I Find On The Body?

1. Laser binoculars for spying on girls, terrorists, Federation agents, etc.
2. "Boob loofah" - a pair of autonomous shower breasts get soapy and sudsy, cleaning you off in the softest, most erotic way possible.
3. Fist-sized, luminous green shamrocks, part of St. Patrick's Day festivities.
4. Royal Delux, a V8 motorised fist as used by a famous queen.
5. Memory plastic sex toy with over 5000 configurations for various species, try not to change inside you/when inside.
6. Gender-change ray gun.
7. Sex robot that has babies.
8. Penis pump (gently used).
9. Deck of Smuggler’s Quarry cards, marked (marks visible with ultraviolet vision).
10. Ace Doubles paperback (battered), containing the novels “Dominatrix of Lemuria” and “Fisting Queen of the Asteroid Belt.”
11. Pocket bomb that has been activated by the death of the spacer. Will detonate in 2d6 "time units"...
12. Crumpled envelope that has been stamped "Do Not Bend.” What’s inside? Space fruit roll-ups, of course.
13. "Break-up letter" accusing the spacer of sleeping with the lover's 1) brother, 2) sister, 3) mother, 4) clone.
14. Alpha Blue Personal Deposit Box access card. 2 in 6 chance that the access code is written on the card.
15. Small, robotic, chrome spider.
16. Space crab cream and electro-comb.
17. Datapad, last message: "10,000 credits; half up front, half on delivery. Cargo bay 7, 3,200 time-units. Come alone. Don't be late.
18. Half a tube of Nebula Dream Testacle Polish: "Make your balls gleam with Nebula Dream!"
19. Hot, naked, holo-snap of your mother.
20. severed hand, tentacle, claw or other extremity. Who does it belong to? Why are they carrying it?
21. Cocktail napkin with a luscious lipstick smooch and a scrawled com-number that reads "867-5309 – Jenny."
22. Small folding laser-pen knife.
23. large, translucent-purple, rubber dong.
24. All-access security pass to current locale. (2 in 6 chance it's forged and will trigger a security alert).
25. His electronic diary, in which he recorded all of his hopes, dreams, desires, and fears, along with beautiful poetry. You realize what a sensitive, talented, caring individual this being was, and you feel like a real space-douche for wasting him, before you chuck the diary in the nearest trash receptacle.
26. Holo-Wanted poster of one of the players, with a video of the players recent activity. 2 in 6 chance the bounty is doubled for the player’s death.
27. Small plastic baggie containing Wizard Weed.
28. Pair of soiled panties, neatly folded and sealed in a ziploc bag to preserve their freshness.
29. collection of nude holo-snaps containing… 1) Bea Arthur, 2) Kristin Bell dressed up as Anna cosplay, 3) David Bowie, or 4) Lysa Thatcher.
30. Scrap of paper with a toll-free comm number; calling it reveals it to be a self-help hotline for obsessive collectors of Hush Little Baby Dolls. Some of those things are worth money; time to find out where this guy kept his stash!
31. Virtual beer goggles, make your lover look like someone hotter.
32. Nostril implants allowing one to smell fresh-cut roses or other appealing fragrance rather than the noxious odors one’s surrounded by.
33. Bio-squid condoms in long life pod.
34. Anal-bleaching cream.
35. Photo album of everyone they screwed with ratings no contact details or names.
36. Little black book of famous playboy and assassin with hundreds of contacts and ratings (but nothing to differentiate between his two hobbies).
37. Glory-hole drill that cuts through most substances.
38. Glory-wormhole kit; two small portals allow glory-hole to work over any distance.
39. Erection-beam, engorges erectile tissue, effect lasts 12 hours, might cause heart attack or unconsciousness if too many shots are used.
40. Box of d100 disposable panties flavored… 1) cherry, 2) lime, 3) blue raspberry, 4) strawberry-salmon.
41. De-arousal ray, victim imagines wrinkly old nuns, crippled puppies and other sad things only the most hardcore pervert can resist.
42. Holographic-book, "Pick-up Artist’s Guide to the Galaxy."
43. Feldspa’ar quartzite, living alien crystals that glow when happy and content – excellent for tasteful, ambient lighting.
44. A ball of fluff… or is it?
45. Fuzzy dice to hang over cockpit mirror.
46. A key. Yup, that's it, just a key.
47. Note from a disgruntled follower, claiming that the owner 'sold out' and 'should give it up', citing unintelligible evidence from something you don't understand.
48. Tube of volumizing shampoo and conditioner specially formulated for pubic hair.
49. 50% off coupon for funeral strippers.
50. Set of brass laser-knuckles.
51. Filmgoer’s guide to what's playing this week at the porno theater, "Cum-Starved Succubi of Saturn 3" is circled.
52. Two spare power packs to fit a standard blaster pistol.
53. Virtual Reality helmet loaded up with scenes of kittens playing with unicorns on a grassy field under a rainbow.
54. Skinsuit that covers whole body and allows all feeling of touch but stops biological contact. Only a bit of slime inside and washable.
55. Empathy bracelets, wear with your loved one and feel the intense feelings they do, like pleasure, pain, embarrassment, or laughter. 2 in 6 chance there’s only one - who knows who has other one? Made with shards of blue crystal.
56. Fossilized jizz-amber from one of the ancients, could be used to reconstruct one of them.
57. “Sexy-time” device that dilates time during orgasm, making it last up to 7 times longer.
58. Regression slug dust, snort it and see visions of your parents conceiving you, with overdose continues through generations going back to single cell organism.
59. Copy of either "Sam Fox Strip Poker" or “Larry the Lounge Lizard” on floppy-disk for commodore 64 computer.
60. Tiny and easily concealable hold-out blaster. Can only fire 3 shots per power-pack, but is completely undetectable by security scans, metal detectors, etc.
61. Keys to a ship, parked nearby. If investigated it's a custom built trans-am starship.
62. The crown jewels of Aroth'rar! Worth a fortune to the right buyer. (Unbeknownst to the player, the royal family can sense them anywhere in the universe. 2 in 6 chance each scene the player is in that royal assassins attack until they manage to find a buyer or ditch the jewels).
63. Swedish penis pump, and a book: "The Swedish Penis Pump IS My Bag, Baby!" by Austin "Danger" Powers.
64. Pack of "Blarf-O-Mint" chewing gum.
65. Lucky, four-leafed, star-hopper foot. Didn't do this jackass any good, but it will be lucky for you! Reroll any die result once per game.
66. Shrunken reptilian head with eyes sewn shut.
67. Pocket pussy. It’s been well and enthusiastically used and needs to be cleaned (and possibly disinfected) unless you’re into that kind of thing.
68. 10% off coupon for "Electric Larry's Ladybots", a well-known robot emporium on Alpha Blue.
69. Klyngon butt-plug (1-3) or Romulyn cock-ring (4-6).
70. Streaming sex-bot that broadcasts everything live across galaxy.
71. 8-track of Heavy Metal soundtrack.
72. Cassette tape single of Booty Jam by the Tone-Deaf Two.
73. Blue bottle of Old Spice Mélange cologne.
74. Half empty vial of "Blue Bottle" Space Poppers (amyl nitrites)! Gay dudes love ‘em and straight folks are mystified. Watch out! The vial is suspiciously sticky.
75. Set of chained nipple-clamps designed for a humanoid lifeform with at least three nipples.
76. Handheld sonic douching machine. You can never be too clean down there.
77. Space mite symbiote egg, hatches on skin and eats lots of sexual parasites like space crabs and eats your excess body hair. Some salt in your hair will keep them away from hair you want to keep. The slime it leaves on you is a delicious mild aphrodisiac. It hides on you sleeping on back of your neck but won’t leave your skin. Needs to be surgically removed which kills it if you don't want it.
78. 1d100 MeowMeowBeenz.
79. 1d100 credits.
80. 1d100 Blue Bucks.
81. Cache of blue crystal.
82. 1d4 vials of LS3-D.
83. Chrome lighter with the words, “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke!” engraved on the side.
84. Data-pad with translation of the Necronomicon uploaded.
85. Pink and blue “new wave” mirror-shades.
86. Deck of cards with space Hooter girls on the back.
87. Full set of translucent-blue polyhedron dice.
88. Fake mustache.
89. Canteen of water.
90. Black eyepatch.
91. Clown makeup and rainbow wig.
92. Laser bomb.
93. Pet space lizard with black top hat and star-shaped sideburns (star-burns) that squawks like a parrot, saying “I have a special plan for this world,” among other things.
94. To-go container of space Chinese food.
95. Business card for bounty hunter, Keezin Ricketts, who works for Grabba the Butt.
96. Astronaut pen capable of writing upside-down.
97. 1d4 kilos of premium nyborg.
98. Detachable penis.
99. He was wearing a wire!
100. 2d6 parking tickets.


There you have it! Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing...

This table will be appearing in the next Alpha Blue supplement Battle Star: Trek Wars cumming this Summer!!!


Authored by Venger Satanis


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