Alien Humanoid Erogenous Zones

I was recently running Alpha Blue and rolled on the table for female quirks. Got a "born without a vagina" result and started wondering... then where does she get off?

Well, the idea for a new random table revealed itself to me. There's only a 2 in 6 chance per female alien humanoid encountered that she has a clitoral-based erogenous zone located somewhere else either her clitoris is not located at the vagina or both the clit and vagina are in a strange location.

Lady Bits Standard?

1. Vagina and clitoris are in the usual places.
2. Vagina and clitoris standard, but there's an additional clit somewhere else.
3. Vagina and clitoris standard, but there's an additional vagina somewhere else.
4. Vagina is standard, 1d3 clits somewhere else.
5. Clitoris is standard, 1d3 vaginas somewhere else.
6. Neither the vagina, nor the clitoris are in standard positions (1d3 for each).
7. Vagina only; no clit (2 in 6 chance because of barbaric female circumcision practices).
8. Clitoris only; no vagina. Babies come from spraying on 1) boobs, 2) butt, 3) face, or 4) mouth.


Vagina & Clit Location Table

1. Boobs.
2. Butt.
3. Armpit.
4. Ribs.
5. Neck.
6. Waist.
7. Back of the head.
8. Calves.
9. Small of the back.
10. Shoulder area.
11. Knees.
12. Hands.
13. Mouth.
14. Ears.
15. Forehead.
16. Feet.
17. Tentacle.
18. Throat.
19. Eye-socket (assume removable eyes).
20. Chin.


How To Pleasure Them?

1. Vigorous rubbing.
2. Light caress.
3. Motorboat.
4. Massage.
5. Blowing (1-3), flicking (4-6).
6. Sucking.
7. Insertion.
8. Roll twice!


Vaginal & Clitoral Surprises

1. Bizarre-looking pubic hair (2 in 6 chance that alien pubic hair is excessive).
2. Inner tendrils (1-3), outer tendrils (4-6).
3. Membranous tissue - there is no vagina in the practical sense, only sensual, sponge like micro-nodes between the legs. When aroused, the entire mass swells-up like a fungus with numerous pores opening that ooze chartreuse and magenta ichor.
4. Normal-length tentacles.
5. Protective clitoral hood.
6. Constantly producing slime and/or mucus.
7. Emitting sexy pheromones.
8. Responds to thought-waves instead of touching.
9. Squirts (2 in 6 chance it full-on gushes).
10. Amphibian: it is all there, like you are used to... but won´t open up unless it's under water, and has to be fully submerged for at least 20 standard minutes.
11. USB port.
12. Spidery "facehugger" legs on outer edges.
13. Whoa, there's an eyeball in there.
14. Small, black horns (2 in 6 chance they're poisonous).
15. Small, internal camera recording sexual activity.
16. Outlandishly colored crystals.
17. Vibration or "humming" effect.
18. Space steel chastity enclosure built in.
19. Reads/plays cassette tapes, 8-track, laser disc, Blue-Ray, VHS, C64 floppy disks, and information stored on access crystals.
20. Hyper-orgasmic (1d4 orgasms per 10 standard minutes).
21. There's a 2 in 6 chance of getting the male pregnant.
22. Emits an eldritch bio-luminescence.
23. Distorts time... 1) feels like you've been fucking for hours, 2) premature ejaculation squared, 3) dinosaurs roam the land while you're doing it, or 4) the far, far future where everyone is a brain in a jar while also being pure conscious light that looks down on primitive mortals still confined to the "flesh time."
24. Also entrance to stomach; loves to eat... 1) pizza, 2) Chinese food, 3) cheeseburgers, or 4) steak and potatoes.
25. Longer-lasting erection! This alien's junk secretes a chemical that extends the life of your boner by 1d4 hours. Anything after one standard hour results in disadvantage on all non-sexual dice pools.
26. Triple her pleasure! This alien's junk secretes a chemical that numbs the penis just enough to extend his performance three times the usual duration before ejaculating.
27. Won't let go! Inner-muscles tightly grip, preventing escape unless she achieves orgasm (2 in 6 chance she needs multiple orgasms before release).
28. This wonderland gland secretes a hallucinogenic chemical that causes both participants to experience psychedelic sensations outside the realm of ordinary human understanding.
29. Genetic incompatibility - it's like putting a square peg in a round hole. Not pleasurable for anyone involved.
30. Regenerating hymen: the hymen regenerates within a day, as it functions (or used to function) as a “seal” against intruding micro-organisms of the alien´s home world. This means you will be ALWAYS popping a cherry. Usually, one time will not be enough to please the alien as “the first round is not my round,” as their females say.


Hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did. ;)

Thanks for reading, commenting, and sharing! Check out all the Kort'thalis Publishing titles right over here.

Special thanks to those who helped crowd-source these tables: Marco Antonio Salazar Matamoros and Gregorius 21778.


Authored by Venger Satanis


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